CONFESSIONS TO MY TRIBE
Confessions are a funny thing. The very admission of our fears can cleanse the soul and free the space within. Like getting rid of the clutter in your garage or clearing your desk, you can free up space in your house while at the same time exposing the nicks and blemishes that lie beneath. Confessions can expose your deepest secrets to the world as well. Make you face the fear head on – whether you intended to or not. Between the fear of exposure and the discontent of living the lie, we confess. Hoping that by doing so we find contentment.
I am turning 50 this year…hard to believe how time goes by so quickly without my consent and definitely without regard to my feelings. Though I still feel like it’s 1991 – a year etched in my memory as the start of my journey thou my journey began many years earlier, too many years have passed to get me here. I only reluctantly give my age to emphasize the fact that I have been in hiding for some time…most my life if I think about it. Hiding behind my books, behind my mundane life choices of what career will I pursue or who should I be like. Like a square block being forced into a round hole I tried fitting into something I wasn’t. It is only now, and after much trepidation that I come out of hiding and face who I really am. I am a writer!
There I said it! I am a writer, I am a writer, I am a writer and I want the world to know! As hard as I tried to fight it, I can’t. I can’t fight being a writer any more than I can fight being short…any more than I can fight getting older. It is who I am and I am proud to say it. Now don’t get me wrong, this is not some new revelation that I love to write, I’ve written for many years but the struggle to admit who I am has been deep inside me, like a secret I’ve been hiding and not wanting to admit. Now the secret is out and I can breathe. For the first time in my life I can proudly say to the world that I am a writer…and the funny thing is I don’t care what anyone says because it is me and not you. This is my journey, not yours. There, I said, now I take a breath. A deep breath – inhale and then exhale. Look around the room, listen to the ticking of the clock, feel my fingers as they tap away on the keyboard – enjoy this moment for life will never be the same.
In the catholic religion, after confessions, the priest will give you some prayers to say and send you on your way. You go about your day with the assurance you are freed. Though I have said these prayers many times in the past, this confession is a little different…no priest or prayers can change what happens now. I can’t just go about my day in the same way as I did in the past. No, the road ahead isn’t going to be just admitting and moving on. The road ahead will be about action. As a writer, I write. I have made the commitment and now the journey begins. I want you to join me as I chronicle this journey…all the good and bad…the highs and the lows…all the insanity that comes with writing. It’s not about destination but rather the journey to learn.
So today I raise a glass in celebration to the first day of the rest of my journey. Not knowing where it will lead or where it will end but enjoying the process and improving my craft. As a writer we write and learn…here’s to all you writers out there may your journey be as magical as the stories you write.
